I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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