Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
