Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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