Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize