There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
