I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
