Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
