i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize