do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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