why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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