I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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