she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
