There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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