Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
