Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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