Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
