I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
