i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
