I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
