Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
