I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
