I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize