do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
