look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
