I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
