Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
