It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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