he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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