did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
