Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
