I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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