I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
