If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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