Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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