I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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