Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
