with your own penis?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
