I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
