Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
