I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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