This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
