3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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