he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
