sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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