so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
