brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
