he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're like the curious george of whores
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
