just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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