I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
