I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
