Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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