Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
