I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
