she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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