After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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