WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
