I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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