If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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