I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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