remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
