mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
