I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
