Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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