i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
