I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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