She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
