Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
