so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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