why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
