I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
