Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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