very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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