Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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