Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
