i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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