Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
